


Breaking The Fifth Wall

by Kotorichandesu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Makichan needs help, Minami Kotori's mother (mentioned), Nishikino Maki's mother (mentioned), Sad Ending, no happy ending, teenage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 14:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kotorichandesu/pseuds/Kotorichandesu
Summary: Kotori and Maki find their relationship broken after many issues arise. However, it wasn't completely broken... Or was it?A fic where our young Maki-chan embraces the suffering she has gone through her love for another girl. That girl however, was only one she could dream of getting.Based off the song Distance, by Nishino Kana. Set loosely around season 1 of the anime, as well as personal situations I have experienced too.





	Breaking The Fifth Wall

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry everyone, but this may seem poorly written. It's actually my 3rd time writing, and I hope its better than my previous piece, but should be all the same. I've also got exams but I'll be coming back very soon (hopefully), to write more.

_Why is it, whatever I do..._

__

__

_When I realise I'm thinking of you..._

_I just don't know what to do..._

These were the thoughts that reverberated around a young pianist's head every day at school, after a long battle between trying to forget the one that brought her happiness, or to keep loving her. The young girl's name was Maki. Nishikino Maki. She was known widely by Otonokizaka as one of the smartest minds, as well as a top student favourited by the Principal, and technically her best friend's mother, Principal Minami. Her tomato coloured hair, inherited from her mother and previous dux of Otonokizaka, was something not to miss in the old corridors of the prestigious school, that is, before everything happened.

\-----

**1 month ago...**

She was in love. Madly in love. Yep, you would not believe it but Nishikino Maki, the smartest nerd in the school, was in love. Sure, men may have perceived her as a cute tsundere, a model and a spoilt girl who was mostly mature for her age, but Nishikino Maki was not the type to be interested in men. Much rather, she was interested in females, especially a certain Principal's daughter she caught a glimpse of one day.

And on that day, the young Nishikino was beet red, and promised to never forget that girl again. That day she was happy, something she was deprived of her whole childhood. Constantly bullied for her capabilities, as well as her high motives, Nishikino Maki had been the epitome of the non-typical Japanese student. She was more hard working than most, and didn't go to school many days. Her family, being of a rich nature, didn't even bother letting her go to school because she was always hurt and punctured, holes appearing in her life no matter what she did. She was trapped in a bubble, which was close enough to shutting her off had she not met that somebody, but like always, good things must come to an end.

_With only one word from you_

_That word was "hello"._

_I'm flying up then falling again_

\-----

**3 months ago**

"Uhh, M-M-Minami-san! M-My name is-"

"Eh? Maki-chan?? What are you doing here?"

"A-Ahhhh..." A blush crept up on Maki's face. She was so flustered to the point she forgot what she was saying. *Why is she so damn cute?* Maki thought. It was like heaven. But sadly, after hearing her name, Maki seriously didn't know what to do. The other girl just stared at her, wearing such a beautiful, graceful smile. And a certain redhead was just screaming inside of herself, as the first wall slowly tore apart.

_It's like I'm not myself..._

\-----

Fast forward a week, before a certain Nishikino Maki tried again.

"Uhh, Minami-san?"

"Hey Maki-chan, just call me Kotori!"

"Eh??" Maki looked up at the principal's daughter questioning why she was so informal, could it be, that Maki was being spied on ever since she got into the school? Could it be that she was known to people who were completely unknown to her? She thought she knew everybody in the school. Apparently not...

"Uhh, okay then K-Kotori"

"That's better Maki-chan!"

"D-Do you want to eat together?"

"Hmm, I'm busy today, maybe next time! Sorry Maki-chan!"

\-----

The next time arrived, where the young redhead was actually invited to join a group known as Muse, by none other than its hyper energetic leader Kousaka Honoka. It came about as Kousaka Honoka, their leader of the current trio, had invited her to join after she was caught quarrelling with a certain sporty cat, Hoshizora Rin, after helping the class' rice lover Koizumi Hanayo find her newly welcoming voice. The other two had joined, now it was up to Maki, who was caught ogling at the sweaty taupe haired girl talking with the school's archer, Sonoda Umi.

"Kousaka-san, I'm not sure... I don't like big groups like this..."

"Yahhoo, Maki, it'll be fun! Doing things as a group will be fun! Trust me!" And Honoka approached Maki, getting ready to welcome her in. However, what she said next...

"NO".

And with that, Nishikino Maki started walking away, leaving the roof and the sunset along with Tokyo's skyline. But not before she was almost tackled by a squishy, warm object which made her face burn crimson at the intimacy being offered.

"UGH HONOKA GET OFF ME!" As Maki whipped her head around, she saw that it wasn't Honoka, but instead it was Kotori hugging her, squishing her to death. However, the older girl was about to cry, seeing as Maki had just yelled right in her face, something which she was sure she'd be kicked out of school from - and that was something she didn't want.

"Look, I'm sorry Ko-"

"M-Maki-chan please join!" And yep, Maki felt horrible for doing that and decided to break the second wall, joining the group to reopen herself to the world.

"I'll meet up here tomorrow then... But-"

_But you don't know how I feel..._

More occasions came in the instance of daily meetups with the group, but Nishikino Maki was still her old self. Cold, childish, and a big tsundere. It was only after their first live at Otonokizaka's opening day where she was willing to confess herself to the other party. But she was constantly rejected. Dumped. And left alone. What was wrong? Maki didn't know. And pent up stress started to build up, until the anger really showed.

"Kotori, I need to talk to you"

"Eh, what is it Maki-chan?" Kotori was slightly concerned. The way Maki was acting wasn't normal at all. Instead, it was anything BUT normal. It was like something had possessed her. It was so weird...

"Kotori, I uhh... I seriously love you." Maki exhaled, and stared at the older girl deeply in the eyes, her shade of amethyst glowing like a demon's.

"Maki-chan, you know I just can't.."

"Kotori!" with a large shove onto the brick wall, and a thump being heard in its stead, Maki's hands trapped the ever so slightly shorter girl in a kabedon. However, her eyes were now diluted, a spinneret of what's to come. The innocent, pure one however, was hinting a dark aura coming out slowly, but wanted to stay and hear out the other party before she would say anything.

"KOTORI, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE... UNTIL YOU FINALLY REALISE THAT I WANT TO GIVE MY WHOLE HEART TO YOU?"

And it was as if time stopped. Well, if we think about those cliched love scenes then yes, but in this case, no. Maki had succumbed to possession. And with possession came the breaking of the third wall of Nishikino Maki, one where she was able to finally confess her true feelings towards the one she loves. But every bit of it was rather unconscious, as Maki went into this dark, grimly state.

"Maki-chan, you're scaring me... I don't know what to do..." Those words from Kotori showed pure fear, as everything was just really confusing. She was sure it wasn't only her, but for Maki as well, both of them being two of the more successful members of their group, despite their different personalities from one another. And she was right. In Nishikino Maki's head, right now everything was just mush, and it was evident in her daily routine, as well as her grades. She was just so in love that it was more confusing than anything else.

After that day, everything started going downhill.

\-----

Maki started showing more affection towards Kotori, but it was their live of No Brand Girls which really brought on concern. Firstly, Honoka's cold ended up getting her into an ambulance, as she performed in the rain to keep her school alive, but also, something seemed aloof with everybody else in the group, as if they knew that Kotori and Umi were hiding something, that none of them knew about.

All the members were gathered in the clubroom. Nico came out with the news, that Muse would be unable to perform at the first Love Live, to everyone's dissatisfaction. It broke her heart telling them, but more importantly, it broke the heart of Nishikino Maki, because it meant that the group had failed to achieve their objective. There was a small party, for all their hard work, which they all supported. They thought about the fun times they had, sleeping over at Maki's mansions everywhere. Having that pillow fight. Training under Umi's strict exercise regime, you name it.

And that's when the worst news came, at least the worst news for Honoka and Maki.

"Umm, excuse me everyone, but Kotori and I both have something to tell you..." Everyone turned to face Umi, even Honoka herself, as she didn't know what was going on. This was new for everyone. They all knew of the three childhood friends, but seeing something like this was a bit worrying. It was even worse when Umi's face went slightly sour before she gave the news.

"In a few days, Kotori will be moving to Paris. We don't know why, but she's already accepted paperwork to be sent there. I'm sorry to say this..." Much to Umi's dismay, everybody was in shock, but none other than Maki herself. She was going to stand up and talk but-

"Wait WHAT? YOU GUYS KEPT THIS FROM ME THE WHOLE TIME?" - Oh and Honoka was seemingly getting mad now, Maki noted.

"I'm sorry Honoka, I tried to tell you but you were so fixed on Love Live that I didn't want to hurt you... and then you got sick..."

"WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER THAN NOW KOTORI! I THOUGHT WE ALWAYS SHARED OUR SECRETS. WE'VE BEEN CHILDHOOD FRIENDS SINCE THE START AND-"

"HONOKA JUST STOP, PLEASE!" and Kotori burst in tears, before running out of the room in a hurry, unwilling to fix her hair or even her disheveled clothes. On the contrary, Honoka... Yeah... She was just in pure anger and disbelief. She then turned to Umi.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER? I THOUGHT YOU WOULD. I HATE YOU UMI-CHAN! I REALLY REALLY HATE YOU! BOTH OF YOU! EVEN MAKI-CHAN TOLD ME EVERYTHING SHE'S BEEN DOING WITH KOTORI AND SHE SOMETIMES EVEN HELPS ME AND MUM OUT. SHE'S A BETTER FRIEND THAN YOU TWO!" 

So, Maki was dragged in. She was about to retaliate before-

**SLAP!**

"Get out of my sight, Honoka. You too Maki. I'm leaving." And with that, Umi stormed out of the room, leaving the rest of the group perplexed and in a state of worry of what would happen next. Maki, being her stupid mushed self, ran to find the one she loved immediately, but not before excusing herself from Honoka's mental breakdown, under care by the rest of the group.

\-----

**3 days later...**

_"Kotori, why is it in front of you..._  
_I want to be cute but I go round in circles..._  
_I just don't know what to do..._  
_I listen to you favourite songs..._  
_Even wear clothes you like..._  
_I can't get close to you..._  
_But you don't know how I feel..."_

__

__

_You still don't._

And Maki sent the voicemail through. Hopefully, Kotori would receive it, and that Maki would never know.

After the day Kotori left, the friendship between Honoka and Umi broke down. Muse was set on hiatus. For Nishikino Maki, all she experienced was pain. Pain and pain and pain. It was like she was disconnected from the real world, in an alternate reality. It was like she had nothing to live for any more. And that's when the fourth wall started crumbling.

Love they say, is a finite feeling. It's not going to last forever, but it can, only if you make it last forever. Every person will find someone they love, or have someone they love. Under those conditions, they can be happy. Teenage love however, puts a twist. You're blocked by barriers, as well as friends and family. You're blocked by yourself and your willingness to commit to something else. You're blocked by repressing your feelings to show your true self. And you're also blocked from the light that brings the best out of yourself. 

In this story, Maki loved Kotori. She cared for her, took her out to eat. Even went home with her sometimes. Everything was great. But her insecurities made it hard for progress to be resumed or restarted. That's why Kotori left Japan. She couldn't take on Maki's insecurities. She wasn't strong enough to look after her, or even offer a new chance at things. Okay, maaaaybe she left to go to a world class fashion school too. As time passed, Maki began thinking more about what she could have changed. She started cutting her arm as a means to relieve stress from this. She'd let her dark red, viscous AB-typed blood drip down her arm, watching as her lifeline is destroyed. She'd cry at night and not tell anybody except Honoka, because she feared the backlash she received. Soon enough, Kotori became the only thing she would think of. Nothing else. Her personality started becoming negative again. She was sure nothing would work out...

\-----

**Present time...**

Nishikino Maki woke up in a manner unworthy of a high class child. Her head hurt. She felt like she was done for. the fourth wall broke when she tried to move on but couldn't, because forgetting is not easy. It never was. In the present time, she had no idea what the other party was doing. Their brief friendship fluttered, but her feelings remained strong. So she decided to send a voicemail, from a song that she had wrote over the time she was in pain.

_"Kotori, I want you to know that I still love you._  
_Though I'm chasing after you_  
_I can't reach you..._  
_Though I love you this much..._  
_I won't wait..._  
_Everytime, everywhere, show me your heart, because_

__

_More than anything, more than anyone_  
_I want to know you forever._  
_I'm addicted to you._  
_I can't see anything but you._

_How long will it take until you finally realise that_  
_I want to be your special someone._

_Please give me... One more chance"_

Maki froze for a bit, contemplating on what would happen next. She had been starving herself for the past few days. She had isolated herself from the society, lamenting the past and her actions. It was HER fault she destroyed the loving relationship between the three childhood friends. It was HER fault for not controlling herself to pursue the one she loved. It was HER fault for not realising until everything had passed. She loved her. She really did.

Nishikino Maki had not gone to school for many days, her parents calling in that she was sick. Nobody knew what had happened. In fact, all of muse (well, what remains, as Umi and Honoka made up in the end and were friends again), decided to pay Maki a visit after school to check on her. But as they approached the house... Nishikino Maki was nowhere to be found.

**Earlier that morning...**

After her voicemail, Maki began to fully close herself off to the world. No more bullying. No more games. No more... fun. At the verge of collapse, the fifth and final wall in her heart started to rupture and break down. She was mentally unstable. She wasn't well. She was a sick, young princess. Fifteen years of age, and in pain.

Actually, like I thought, and you too, that last voicemail may seem like the last one, right? Well, it's not. She gave another one the same day, despite any of them having been read. In that last one, her weak, dry throat uttered the words:

_"I won't wait... forever"_

Nishikino Maki was hospitalised that same day. Her heart had finally decided to let go, and break the final wall which Nishikino Maki's life and happiness relied on. She lost her friends. She lost the one she loved. She lost... everybody... Except the remnants of her friend group. She lost herself. She lost the battle.

On that same day, Nishikino Maki was gone. Forever. She had passed away from her excessive blood loss, as well as her stress and love for Kotori developed through that short time they got to know each other. In reality, Maki was the weak one. She couldn't let go and only hurt herself more from the suffering she was going through. She only wanted a chance. She never got one. Just like everybody else. After that incident, nothing was ever the same, like, it changed... again.

\-----

**3 years later (Kotori's POV)**

My name is Minami Kotori. I am now back in Japan. I want to see what muse is like now.

"Oh hihi, Umichan!" I waved at Umi, who looked at me before tearing up and hugging me. I was now a top fashion designer. I was the one thing I wanted to be. I wanted to show everyone what I had achieved. Especially her. What's her name again? Uh... I forgot. All I know was that she had red hair and was very very cute. I loved squishing her cheeks!

"Hey Umichan, do you know what happened to the girl with red hair?" I looked at Umi, and noticed the sudden gloominess that appeared on her face.

"K-Kotori... We don't talk about Maki any more..."

"Eh? Why's that?" I looked at Umi with concern. Had what happened been really bad? I was told that the whole group broke off, after my departure, so I was really worried. I was sandwiched in grey (although spontaneous, as it is my image colour in muse).

"I think it's better if you come with me, Kotori..." And Umi led the way.

We approached a cemetery, to see the rest of muse crowded around a specific grave, bouquets of roses, lilies and tulips in their hands. I didn't know what happened, but Maki-chan was not there for some reason. I didn't know why...

"Sorry I'm late", I heard Umi say, to all of them. Hanayo had passed her a bouquet of flowers to lay down as well, and it was interesting to see how much my friends have grown however... I was a bit too curious so I approached them all.

"Uhh, hi everyone! What's going on?" I walked up and smiled at them my usual smile, despite feeling uneasy in such a dark, eerie place. It was interesting to see the rest of the group startled, except for Umi, who was carrying out a procession of some sort. I had no idea what she was doing, but I looked at the fancy grave that was here for all to see.

"From the deepest parts of our hearts, may you be blessed again this year, Maki. May your love never run away, and thank you for everything, once again. We love you Maki. All of us. Your fans. Your school, and most importantly, those that you loved. Thank you for shining in our hearts, we'll never forget you. Happy birthday."

All of the muse members bowed towards the flower-filled structure, and it was then I could finally see the name etched in rose gold on the stone itself.

**NISHIKINO MAKI**

"This can't be true... No way..."

"We tried to tell you Kotori, but you never responded to any of us. Maki passed away three years ago. She left something for you."

"Uhh, here you go Kotori". Honoka passed me a small letter which she told me not to open until I got home. And I fulfilled that purpose. I had to.

_Home..._

I opened the letter to reveal a small note left for me. Being myself, I read the letter first, as it seemed to be the best option to undertake in this situation.

_Dear Kotori,_

__

We've only been together shortly, but I've fallen in love with you. But you ended up leaving me... I know my time is coming up soon, but I just wanted you to know...  
_If it was always this painful_  
_I'd prefer to lock my heart_  
_But I can't stop now_  
_You're the one_  
_No matter what..._  
_No matter what, I can't stop my love for you._

_Distance..._  
_Means nothing to me._

_Maki_

And I cried. I came to realise the moral of the story we had together.

Sometimes, all a person needs is a little bit of love to give them happiness. Sometimes, they are happy when they have the support. When you reject someone looking for that support, that newfound happiness, you destroy their world. I didn't realise it at first, but sometimes, even the smallest of actions can hurt someone. That is why you must give them a chance. One chance could change everything. One chance could give you a new experience, something that you'll never get to experience with somebody else. One chance in love could change the way things played out. No chances blocks off these opportunities. It may also change everything, negatively. No chances creates an empty hole which must be filled with the ideas of to remember, or forget. And usually, to forget is the harder option for those who are affected. While it wasn't evident in the story, I loved Maki. I just didn't want to hurt her and pursue my own goals. My own happiness and selfishness came at a cost. I deprived another person of their feelings and will to live in a bubble about to burst. In this story, that was Maki-chan. She became a sickly person, and I ignored her the whole time. I never knew what happened. I tried to forget, but actions are harder, and stronger, than words.

On the contrary, Maki proved she loved me too much. Then, I could have said I loved her, but I didn't really know what to do. It was all new to me, like a foreign bug invading me. I made a new friend, but that friend wanted more. So it's partially their fault too. Not to mention, they can't even control themselves sometimes, especially that tsundere! It was really annoying, even though I knew that they were trying their best to be happy around me. For most people, time will heal everything. It can be seen with my change when I went to Paris, but it can't be a statement that is fulfilled by everybody. Sometimes, time doesn't heal you at all. Sometimes, time is like a game. You never know what will happen. For everyone it is different. For Maki, time played against her.

Basically... to sum it up... Giving others a chance is the best thing you can do. You never know what will happen, so embrace the present. Anything can happen, and anything can change. Also, learn to forgive others (as secretly highlighted in Honoka and Umi's role here). That's a key thing you should do to ensure that you have the support of friends, as well as others in your life. Sometimes it may be hard to forgive them... But in Honoka and Umi, it worked out :)

Anyways, I'm Kotori! Back in Japan! And despite my tears and realisation, I'll continue to do my best, like Honoka does, to pursue my dream!

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh... If you made it down here, I'm just letting you know that I sort of used myself as a slight resemblance for Maki at times, (but it is still fiction, with a slight twist), but my thoughts and insights and self reflection come in the form of "the moral of the story". I know I'm not the best at writing, but I think that with some more writing I could come back and improve these.
> 
> Please comment below what I could improve on, and I'm sorry for the sad ending (I tried), despite not really being able to write uwu!
> 
> Peace out :3


End file.
